((Author's Note: This story includes all Disney Infinity related worlds, including all Disney movies and shows/cartoons ever made, all of Marvel comics, and all eras of Star Wars. Note: Does NOT follow the continuity of the Kingdom Hearts games. Spoilers obviously for more recent stuff.))
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Yensid's Tower...
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Sora, Kairi, and Riku stood before the blue-robed wizard, King Mickey Mouse standing nearby. The three heroic teenagers stared worriedly as their mentor paced back and forth, looking visibly uncomfortable.
Finally, he stopped. “...Before we begin, I'm sorry,” the wizard said.
Riku sighed, running a hand through his pale white hair. “Well, that's confidence-giving,” he muttered.
Sora frowned. “What's wrong, master Yensid?”
Yensid sighed. “A new evil has arisen, one different from the Heartless or Nobodies,” he said. “One that is literally perverse.”
Kairi suddenly felt nervous, tugging at the hem of her sun dress.
Yensid gestured, creating a hologram of a small, ghostly sphere with glowing yellow eyes and dozens of waving tentacles, some of them ending in suckers and others ending in distinctly phallic shapes. Kairi almost reflexively hid behind Sora, the two males looking visibly uncomfortable at the creature's appearance as well.
“These creatures are called the Shameless,” the wizard said. “Creatures of pure sexual perversion that are showing up on other worlds. They are mutations of the sex drives of living souls, transforming otherwise normal people into more Shameless. Most become creatures like these. This particular breed is the most common, similar to the Shadows or Dusks. It is called a Tentacloid. And like with Heartless and Nobodies, there are many more varieties. They have no symbol, like pureblooded Heartless... and like Nobodies, the strongest among them keep their original form. These boss Shameless have all the powers of they had before, and radiate an aura of pure sexual perversion that can turn all but the purest of hearts into more Shameless. These Perverse are the most dangerous of the Shameless.”
The three Keyblade users all traded uneasy looks. “What do we have to do to stop them?”
Yensid looked visibly uncomfortable. “The regular monster type Shameless can be defeated by simply destroying them with your Keyblades. They will return to normal soon after. The Perverse, however...”
Uh oh, thought all three Keyblade users.
Yensid sighed. “The Perverse can only be beaten if a Keyblade user or one who used to be a Perverse has sex with them,” he said.
Sora, Riku, and Kairi stared at him. “...Bullshit,” Riku said after a moment.
“He's not lying, fellas,” Mickey said, grinning nervously.
The three humans gave the cartoon mouse an uneasy look. “...And you're sure of this... how?” Kairi ventured, knowing she'd regret it.
Mickey giggled nervously. “Honestly, until that purple ghost came out of her, I just thought Minnie was being extra friendly with me 'cause I remembered our anniversary,” he said.
Riku facepalmed. Sora managed a grin, while Kairi let out a frustrated moan.
“So we're going to have to fuck our way through various worlds to save them?” Sora asked.
“Pretty much,” Yensid said. “I'm so sorry...”
The three young Keyblade users looked at each other for a long moment, and one by one, nodded. “It has to be done, Lord Yensid,” Riku said.
“Can't have the multiverse become an endless orgy, right?” Sora said, chuckling.
“What about our other allies, such as Organization XIII?” Kairi said. The group of Nobodies, led by Xemnas, the Nobody of their nemesis Lord Xehanort, had become allies to the heroes after Sora's Nobody Roxas, Kairi's Nobody Namine, and the mysterious Xion had shown them how to regain their hearts and turned them against Xehanort.
“Can't find 'em,” Mickey said. “Donald, Goofy and I are going to go look for them. Hopefully they haven't been claimed by the Shameless.”
“I have provided you with a new Gummi Ship, one that has smaller dropships should you wish to separate,” Yensid said. “I have also modified them to run off of embarrassment as well as smiles...”
Only Sora managed to chuckle at that. “Yeah,” Kairi said. “Gonna need that big time...”
Riku shook his head. “Anything else we should know?”
Yensid nodded gravely. “Lord Xehanort has found three who are capable of controlling the Shameless by sheer force of will, even the Perverse. Be very careful when dealing with them,” he said.
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World that Never Was...
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“You mock us,” growled Doctor Doom, the green cloaked, heavily armored warlord scowling at the old man before him. Next to him was Maleficent, the black and purple clad witch glaring at the man with a look of sheer hatred. Standing apart from them, staring out at the stark, barren cityscape and its eternal night, was Darth Vader, his expression hidden by his helmet.
“I truly wish I was kidding,” Lord Xehanort said. “But it is true. The Shameless are real, and you three are the only ones who have the ability to control them.”
Maleficent sneered. “What's the matter? Your darkness viagra not working?” she snarked, the two men chuckling.
Lord Xehanort narrowed his eyes and scowled. “No need to be rude, sorceress,” he snarled.
“You used me as a puppet to try and do your dirty work for you!” she snapped. “There is EVERY need to be rude!”
“And the very premise of your scheme is ridiculous,” Doom said. “More like the start to a pornographic story of some kind rather than a scheme to conquer the multiverse!”
Lord Xehanort smirked. “And it is because of that ridiculousness that the plan has a chance to succeed.”
“Foolishness,” Vader said after a long moment. “Why are we wasting time listening to him?”
“Agreed,” Maleficent said. “Come, gentlemen. Let us return to our worlds, and leave this fool.”
Doom, Vader, and Maleficent all turned, their cloaks swirling dramatically, and began to stride away. Lord Xehanort just smiled. “Perhaps a visual aid is needed,” he said, snapping his fingers.
A portal of darkness opened in front of the three warlords, making them stop in their tracts. And from that portal, a massive figure emerged, a brutish man in bright red armor, his helmet wide and curved.
“Wha... JUGGERNAUT!?” Doom exclaimed, startled.
“You know this brute?!” Vader demanded.
Juggernaut, his body radiating a purplish-pink aura, sniffed the air. “I smells me a pussy I does,” he said, looking straight at Maleficent, who took a step back in alarm. He grinned at her. “Ahh, sweet pussy. I think I'mma gonna fuck you into the floor.”
He charged. Maleficent teleported, barely managing to miss his lunge.
“Blast it, I don't have the tools to properly deal with him!” Doom snarled.
“Something is blocking my telepathy,” Vader said, igniting his lightsaber. “I cannot force him to stop.”
Maleficent created a massive wall of thorns around Juggernaut, but just trampled them as he kept charging. “How do we beat him!?”
“His helmet!” Doom shouted. “Remove his helmet and he becomes vulnerable to psychic attack! Otherwise he literally cannot be stopped once he has momentum!”
Vader charged, intending to slice at the locks to Juggernaut's helmet, only for a massive fist to knock him aside. Doom's attempts to latch onto him met with similar failure. Maleficent tried to cast spells, only for the shockingly fast brute to force her to teleport before she could cast anything meaningful. It became almost a comedy of errors as the three powerful warlords tried to stop the unstoppable, until finally Maleficent tripped over her long robes, stumbling to the ground.
Juggernaut, leering at her and drooling, stalked towards her, laughing wickedly. “Gonna fuck you... Fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk again... AND I AIN'T EVER GONNA STOP!!”
“No...” Maleficent said fearfully, scrambling back as Doom and Vader resorted to standing in front of Juggernaut to try and push him back physically. “NO!” she screamed. “STOP! STAY AWAY!”
And to her surprise, Juggernaut immediately calmed down, stepping back several feet and sitting down on the ground, Doom and Vader stumbling at the sudden backwards movement of their quarry.
Lord Xehanort clapped. “You see? You three and you three alone have the power to resist becoming Perverse without the use of Keyblades, and...” His statement was literally choked off as Vader, furious beyond belief, telekinetically grabbed the old warlock by the throat and pulled him over to his hand, strangling him.
“FOOL!” Doom bellowed, his fists radiating eldritch power. “Was it your intention for Juggernaut to rape the witch?! To HUMILIATE US!?”
Lord Xehanort gagged. “Needed... you to see... that you could control the... perverse... ack...” he said, struggling in Vader's grasp.
“And what if we couldn't, you imbecile?!” Vader demanded.
Lord Xehanort struggled in Vader's powerful grasp. He felt a blast of heat behind him as Maleficent transformed into a massive black dragon, roaring in anger. “LET ME DEVOUR HIM! I WILL END HIS MACHINATIONS ONCE AND FOR ALL!”
“Hold,” Vader said. “I still have more questions. What are the Keyblades, and why can't Xehanort simply control the Shameless himself?”
Maleficent and Doom both hesitated, the former turning back into human. They were curious themselves... Maleficent sighed. “The Keyblades I can tell you about. They are key-shaped weapons about the size of a sword that are LITERALLY the keys to everything. Including the hearts of everything, be it people or worlds.”
She gestured, an aura of mystic energy surrounding the four of them. On hers, Doom's, and Vader's chests glowed a crystalline, heat-shaped mass of energy. “These are Hearts. The very essence of Life and Light. When a Heart loses their light, they become creatures called Heartless. The bodies, the remnants, simply fade away, unless they have a strong enough will to live. In which case, they become Nobodies. The strongest of these can keep their human form and will, even capable of regaining hearts...” She sneered at Xehanort. “And in your case, rebelling against their former self.”
Doom smirked beneath his mask. “Oh ho?”
Maleficent chuckled. “His Nobody, Xemnas, has betrayed him. And his Heartless, who has also maintained human body and will, has disappeared after being bested by a whelp named Sora. The Keyblades choose who wield them. And three children, including this Sora I mentioned, were chosen to oppose him.”
“Minor... ack... setbacks...” Xehanort choked.
Vader dropped him. “That still doesn't explain why he doesn't just control the Shameless himself,” he said. “You certainly seemed able to control Perverse Juggernaut.”
Xehanort shook his head, coughing. “No... I am a Keyblade user, so I cannot control them. I lured Juggernaut here with the promise of sex with a beautiful woman, and trapped him once he was where I needed him to be. I needed someone strong to make a point. Keyblade users, no matter how dark their souls, cannot control the Shameless, as they are immune to Shameless corruption. But they can cure them, either by destroying the bodies of lesser Shameless, or outright fucking the evil out of them. They are the living embodiments of Life corrupted by Darkness. And only souls of purest darkness can keep them in check.”
The three warlords traded looks, debating internally. Finally, Doom spoke for them. “The offer is... intriguing,” he said. “We will give it a try.”
“Excellent,” Xehanort said. “Then...”
“But that doesn't excuse you,” Maleficent said, turning Xehanort to stone.
Doom looked thoughtful. “As much as I hate to admit it, we must share power equally in this,” he said. “Allies?”
“Agreed,” Maleficent said. “I will provide you with what information I have about Sora and his allies.”
Vader nodded as well. Doom turned to Vader and said. “In order for us to be fully in control, we must be at our best. My armor's scanners have detected that your cybernetics seemed deliberately designed to hold you back.”
Vader nodded again. “A precaution by Emperor Papaltine, so I would not turn on him,” he said.
“He's a fool,” Maleficent said. “Crippling his mightiest warrior...”
“I have begun to think on those lines,” Vader said quietly.
“If you will allow me, Vader,” Doom said, “I will upgrade your cybernetics. Give you full access to your powers.”
“...” Vader thought for a long moment, and nodded. “Very well. I would ask you, though, to make sure that my respirator continues to make this sound,” he said, referring to the deep, almost rasping breaths he took. “It has become something of a trademark sound I make, and is most intimidating for those that know it.”
Doom nodded. “I can respect that,” he said.
Maleficent nodded. “We have a start, then,” she said. “I will gather my own allies, and look for powerful Shameless to rally. In the mean time...” She gestured to the still docile Juggernaut. “Just... keep him away from me.”
Vader, Doom, and Perverse Juggernaut left through a portal of darkness, Maleficent staying to stare at Lord Xehanort's statue. She sneered at it. “Time to do what you never could, fool,” she said. “Thank you for giving us the means to finally rid the multiverse of Sora and his cohorts! Darkness will reign supreme at last!”
Cackling madly, she left through another darkness portal, leaving Lord Xehanort, still trapped in stone.